Earlier this week, my daughter came home upset about something that had happened at school. Another girl had said something unkind, and she was hurt, frustrated, and angry. We sat together and talked it through—what was said, how it made her feel, and how heavy those feelings can be when you’re in the middle of them.
At one point, I gently reminded her of something that’s not always easy to hear (for adults or kids): while we don’t get to choose what other people say or do, we do get to choose how we respond—and over time, how much space we let those moments take up in our minds.
That doesn’t mean pretending things don’t hurt. It doesn’t mean bypassing emotions. It simply means remembering that we still have a role to play in what happens next.
Watching her wrestle with that idea, as I do myself at times, reminded me how often we, as adults, forget the same thing. So much of our day happens on autopilot. We react before we think. We replay conversations. We reach for our phones, our snacks, our distractions—often without really choosing any of it.
Not because we’re careless. But because life is fast, noisy, and demanding.
The shift from reaction to response is subtle—but powerful. A reaction is automatic. A response is chosen. As a parent we’re often held to account about a reaction, in real time, because there are few people in this world as honest as one’s child. Yet those real time reminders should be viewed as a gift. Yes, for me they help stop me in my tracks and force me to reflect. They force me to be observe that I am in a reactionary space rather than being considered and responding accordingly.
Here are a few simple ways to start practicing that shift:
- Create a pause. One breath is often enough to interrupt autopilot.
- Name the feeling. “I’m tired.” “I’m stressed.” “I’m hurt.” Clarity changes behaviour.
- Ask one better question: “What do I want to choose here?”
- Choose one small, conscious action each day. Not ten. Just one.
- Notice your patterns. When do you snap, scroll, snack, or shut down? Awareness is the first step back to choice.
Just like with my daughter, taking ownership doesn’t mean blaming yourself. It means recognising your power to participate in your own life.
Reclaiming responsibility for your decisions is really about reclaiming trust in yourself. And that trust is built one small, honest choice at a time.
If you’re feeling reactive, stuck, or like your days are running you instead of the other way around, this is exactly the kind of work I support people with in my 1:1 coaching—helping you slow things down, rebuild clarity, and respond more deliberately instead of living on autopilot.
If this resonated, you’re always welcome to reach out and explore working together.
Here’s to fewer reactions—and more chosen responses.
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Warmly,
Ana